L'ecole et ne l'ecole pas.

I've pretty much determined what my final grades will be in most of my classes:

Calculus: C
Weather Observation and Analysis: B
Ecology: A
Atmospheric Chemistry and Pollution: B
Astronomy: C or B

Which is not good enough. It's possible for me to bring up the two weather classes to an A if I do absolutely terrific on the finals, but it really depends on what the curve is going to be. Yes, I get curves, but you have to understand that the average in these classes is around 70 at most. The tests are riduculously hard short answer, and on the quizzes for Atmo Chem the average is around 60. Ecology I'm doing well in, but come to think of it I remembered that I had a quiz that I was supposed to do by 11 last night. How unfortunate. Oh well, we get to drop two. Astronomy I currently have a C in, but since he's giving a curve based on how often you go to class, I might be able to get a B. It really depends on my test on Thursday. We don't have a final in there. This test is our last one of 3. Fingers crossed. Weather Observation and Analysis I'm doing a lot better than most people, especially in lab, where I haven't gotten below an A on anything (mostly because I think the TA likes me, but that's besides the point), and I've done really well on the tests, but I haven't gotten any of my participation points, and that's 10% of my grade. So... if I don't get those 10 points, it's basically impossible for me to get an A. Then in Atmo Chem I'm at about the average on tests and quizzes, so that would get me a C, but I've done really well on homework, and I have a good feeling about our second test. Yeah, we only have two tests in there. It's weird. So I'm hoping for a B, and I think I can pull it off.

In other news Thanksgiving was pretty cool. I'm pretty sure someone injected Austin with sugar. I didn't get to see as many people as I had hoped to see, which was a shame. The Friday of Thanksgiving was so amazing. I mean, we beat UT. (A-A-A Whoop!) Ah... I'm an Aggie, what can I say? I'm reading this book by Donald Miller called Blue Like Jazz. It's crazy. I didn't so much like the first half, but I'm definitely liking the second half a lot. I'll probably re-read it so that I can truly decide how I feel about it all. It's really making me think, which I like a lot. This has been a great week thus far, and I expect that even if my grades for the semester don't turn out super well, it will have been a great semester, and I'll be happy regardless. I'm just happy, and it's great to be happy.

I don't know what to do with myself.

For the next five hours or so I have nothing to do. No one to hang out with, no one to talk to, and there's only so much that I can eat. Yeah, I'm still in my dorm room. Yes, it's Wednesday, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. My family is supposed to swing by here on their way back from the Ranch, but they haven't even left yet, and it's like a five hour drive. The good news is that I'll DEFINITELY miss an appointment that I had to get shot. Excuse me, "a shot". Apparently meningitis can kill you or something and you should get vaccinated for it. Whatever. I think I might rather die. Of course, I could die of boredom within the next five hours. I can't remember the last time that I had 5 straight hours of time to spend all by myself. And I just don't know what to do. Now I have the hiccups. I could try to invent a new way to get rid of them. I did, however, get the brand new Brand New CD yesterday. And I'm really excited about that. I could spend the next five hours memorizing all the songs. I could probably multitask and be memorizing while curing my hiccups. Oh what fun-filled times I have in store. But, I'll be home later on tonight... maybe, so give me a call if you want to do something. If I don't answer my phone, I'm probably dead. Dead from meningitis, I bet.

Since I have time...

I've got a good 20 minutes until my class starts, and it takes 10 minutes to walk there, and Facebook as lost its luster (for the time being), so I'm making a little post. I've taken up knitting again, finally. I have to say, I really really do like it. I don't know why I haven't been doing it for so long. I need more yarn, though. Pretty much all the yarn I have is pink. Also, if you get a knitted item for Christmas, it means that I worked really hard on it. Meaning that I made it at least 3 times before giving you the final product. So you better at least pretend to like it. And if you don't, sucks for you because there isn't a receipt for these things. Yesterday was a great day. Like, really really great. Up until the last hour or so, it was just plain really good. And I think today should be pretty good, too. Hopefully I'll get everything done I want to get done, but we'll see. Regardless, the weather should make up for it. It's not going to get above like 65 today, and the wind is going to be crazy blowing with an average of like 27 mph all day. It's going to be AWESOME. Oops, time for class. Remember, the knitting means I care about you enough to spend hours upon hours of making ugly things, until I get a good one.

Emo

I'm entitled to an emo post, right? I think so.

I feel... not good. Possibly bad in fact. Not physically like one would usually assume about me, but emotionally. I feel bad about who I am. I don't like the way I look physically, and there's nothing I can do about my face. I have a horrible figure. It doesn't look right. If it were up to me I'd change everything about it. Everything. I feel like I'm not good looking enough for people. And inadequate in more ways than just appearance. I try. I really do, but I just don't feel good enough. I don't feel deserving of what I have. I'm very grateful, but I feel undeserving. I don't think I'd be friends with me if I were other people. I don't think I'd even talk to me. I need to lose weight. You can't tell me I look fine. I have mirrors. I have pictures, which especially clue me in about my weight problem. I just... people tell me I look okay to be nice, but I actually believe it sometimes which just makes matters worse in the long run since I'll eat as though I'd be fine eating what I want, which just isn't the case. I don't feel right about anything anymore. The things that really bother me I can't do anything about. I just feel so powerless. Like a footnote. Exactly like a footnote. I feel pushed aside. I'm stuck at the bottom of the page, and no one notices me until it's convenient for them. I could come in handy one day when someone needs something. But that's all. I'm here for people's needs, but not thier wants. I'm more of a burden than an interest. I'll be handy.

I've got a day and a reason
Why I should not believe in... anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories
That I cannot believe in... 'cause I don't know where I've been
All these years
All these years

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it
'Cause I will not give up and,
We all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again